Starting a Positive Relationship with a New-to-You Horse

What do you do to help start a positive relationship with a new-to-you horse? Ideally, we would take our time building trust to start the horse-human relationship off correctly on the ground first. If the horse has not changed homes, ideally you as the “new” component would spend a few sessions with low expectations to begin to build rapport with them.

1. If given the chance, observe the horse free in the pasture.

2. Allow the horse to approach you - whether in the stall or pasture. Reinforce the connection by standing to one side and scratching the withers just as horses would mutually groom each other. Avoid grabbing their soft and sensitive muzzle - instead offer your palm to sniff if they would like to engage.

3. Groom them loose in the stall (or safely in a pasture or pen where you won’t get interrupted by other horses or humans) to find their favorite spots to be massaged or rubbed and figure out what brush or curry comb they prefer. Do they want the soft touch of a sheepskin mit or tiger tongue or a harder rub of a dandy brush or curry comb? Which brush do they think is too stiff? This may change depending on the season and workload!

4. Are they able to balance well when picking their feet or are they a little out of shape/unbalanced? Is one side easier than the other?

5. Spend a few short sessions doing some walking in hand or on the lunge line in a properly fitting lunging cavesson more as way of observation and not judgement in a safe, enclosed area (a flat, groomed arena or even up and down a very wide and flat barn aisle with good traction!). What verbal cues do they know? Do they have a more balanced and supple direction versus a less balanced or more stiff direction? Where do they prefer you to be positioned? What’s their expression when they’re with you versus someone they know well? Keep the sessions “short and sweet” as you get to know each other. Keep distractions to a minimum as you start to build this new relationship. Please save chats with other barn mates for after the groundwork session once the horse is put away so you can stay present and focused on safety and the relationship building with the new horse. Also, seriously consider videoing these sessions so you are able to review them afterwards. When starting a new session, please don’t hold the horse to the “story” you had about them from your previous session. Allow them to grow as they become more familiar with you as the newcomer in their life and as they begin to trust you.

6. Evaluate yourself as the handler after each session: What is your body language as you interact with this new horse? Are you relaxed or tense? Does this reflect in your cues to the horse? Were there any miscommunications or misunderstandings? Why? Did you posture support what you intended it to and offer clarity for the horse? Take a minute to pause to put yourself in your horse’s “hooves” and reflect. What could you do to make the request clearer or easier for your new partner to understand? Where do you need to refine or practice your skills to help this partnership grow?

7. After the first few sessions of building trust and good communication and understanding of one another, how does the horse respond to more novel objects, such as a mat, pole, etc.? Do they prefer working inside the arena or outside? You may start noticing they have more confidence with you and trust in you whereas previously they were more hesitant. Pick some different, but basic foundational exercises or activities to give variety mentally and physically without pushing either of your over threshold or past your limits of the very new partnership! Pick something the horse is very familiar with, but hasn’t quite done with you yet. Success builds confidence for both horse and human.

8. Please be certain to reward what you want! Remember to stay present, avoid or limit distractions, and have the intention to invite the horse to be with you and participate as a teammate. Try not to go in with a “I must make him do XYZ” mindset and check off a box of exercises without understanding WHY it's beneficial to the horse. Find what motivates them the best! Encourage curiosity in the horse and positively reinforce the behavior you like. Try to incorporate some “play” or “enrichment” during your time together if you are able to!

9. Practice tacking up mindfully on non-ride days. This allows you to be intentional, not rush and figure out how to correctly adjust the bridle, saddle, girth, etc. for the individual new-to-you horse. If you drop the “expectation” of riding the same day you tack up the first time you are able to be very aware of the horse and how things are to be adjusted for their comfort. You may even need to try out a few different girth lengths or pick a different saddle pad if there are several options to choose from. This is not the time to chit chat with barn mates while mindlessly tacking up. Stay present with the horse you are supposed to be building a close relationship with. This also helps your first day of riding be more relaxed as you will already be in a good routine and know exactly what tack fits and how to adjust it.

10. For the first few rides, do a very long walk warm up (15 or 20 minutes) or consider doing several walk rides only. Again, keep the first few sessions short and sweet.

11. If you want to trail ride later on, after doing 5 - 12 sessions in the arena getting to know the horse, practice hand walking the horse on trails or at the very least, outside the arena. Help them see you as their partner in a new adventure. Even better if you can bring a horse buddy to tag along to provide support, confidence, and a sense of safety! Set you both up for success.

12. Finally, seriously consider doing what you want to do under saddle from the ground FIRST. This preparation will prevent less confusion or miscommunications once you are riding the horse and, again, is an excellent way to build up that new partnership. For example, want to jump? Consider watching the horse free jump without tack and then with the saddle to see how well they use themselves over a jump first! Also, are they relaxed or are they nervous or tense or over excited? Are they naturally more crooked or out of balance one way or the other that should be addressed before jumping under the saddle? Prepare you and your horse well and you set you both up for success! If you can’t do it on the ground well, don’t expect to do it under saddle well or at all!

This should 100% get you both set on the right path for a wonderful relationship rather than leaving it to chance and hoping for the best outcome.

So many horses and riders are so incredibly adjustable to any temperament or experience level of their human or horse partner that we just take them for granted. Horses tolerate a lot from us. Our horses have had countless beginner riders on them or been a part of IHSA shows where they don’t get warmed up by the rider that shows them; however, why not slow down and not “wing it? If you have the opportunity to build a strong foundation of trust and understanding and go from there, absolutely do it! If you or the horse need more low key time getting to better know one another, absolutely take the time the both if you need. Every relationship is a little bit different and it’s important to acknowledge that.

If you aren’t provided this flexibility, please ask your trainer for at least 3 - 5 ground work lessons or ask your trainer if you are able to come groom or hand graze your lesson horse(s) on days you don’t have a lesson if there’s availability. You may find your trainer pleasantly surprised you are so eager to better understand and communicate with your lesson horse as well as willing to build a closer relationship with the horse. You able then able to really hone your eye to the horse’s body language, way of going and posture as well as work on your own timing of cues that will greatly improve your ridden work and understanding of the “why” of certain exercises that you will be asked to do under saddle.

And you ask - what if you are sending your horse to the trainers?

Talk to your trainer about them building rapport and communication with your horse first on the ground. Most likely your trainer will be happy to do so and maybe even relieved you are OK with that. It often means everything will be that much easier under saddle! Clients are often in such a rush for their own personal goals that they forget about the horse in the middle of it all. “The horse before the sport” is a wonderful phrase to always remember.​

How do you like to positively set you and a new-to-you-horse up for success in the beginning stages of a partnership?

- written by Megan G. Thomas on June 11, 2024